Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Pitifully Puffy

Yep, that's me, pitiful. Pathetic. No choice but to blame it on the hormones. I know, I know, a cop-out. Nevertheless, tis true.

The husband and I have discovered the presence of a tiny being residing comfortably in my belly. A happy occasion, to be sure. What a surprise! My first child is nearing the age of 10 years, which is quite a spread. No doubt a miracle has happened! And when the queasies subside, I'm sure I'll be glowing beautifully and hopping with joy! Egad.

Of course, in my condition, I've become self-centered. This is not a normal state for me. Normally I'm right there doing everything for everyone else, having nearly forgotten my own needs. So now, you betchya, I'm taking advantage. Haha!

The problem:
Because my husband is not from this country and has not seen his family in nearly 10 years, he's planning a 2-week trip this summer to visit them. He'll be traveling sans enlarging-wifee and kiddo. And while I support his need to see his parents and siblings, I can't help but feel a tiny bit abandoned at this time. Unfair? I'm not sure.

In the meantime, my face will contort into a smile when he mentions going back home. I'll be happy for him. I'll try not to be envious of his huge family. Okay, I just won't tell him I'm envious. His excitement pokes at my heart and brings back the aching loss of my own family. I'll try not to cry... in front of him. But while he smiles, I'll be remembering the brother I lost and the father I lost. It can't be helped. Though, I will remember, too, that my mother waits to visit with me and the kiddo this summer. We'll certainly enjoy each other's company, and smiles and laughter will hug us with soft security.

So, pitifully puffy I will go and reconnect with my own hometown--wearing a sweet smile and keeping my mind open.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Such a brave little trooper. I wonder if she will find Happiness? I find your story, the pieces of it I see, to be.... well, to be fascinating for lack of a better descrition.